Effin' Stress
So we went to my mom's house on Sunday night and oh jeez, was it ever horrible. I just about had a nervous breakdown cause of her and her god damn stupid shit. I so badly want to say that I hate her, but those words are harsh to use against a mother... Even though she is FUNKED in the HEAD. Seriously. I hate spending the night at her house and I never will again. Never is a long time, but I really have no desire to spend any amount of time with her in the near future.
Of course Skot things I should just, "DEAL" and that I need to learn how to cope with my anger. Well I try, and the more I try the more of a breakdown I seem to have when I feel I am no longer strong enough to try. Whatever, either he'll someday understand I am not that mentally and emotionally strong enough to just bottle all my frustrations up and deal, learn how to be normal, or not let things bother me. Things bother EVERYONE, just certain things really drive me over the edge... I think the way I was raised has a lot to do with that. My mom was rather a hypocrite... I strongly feel you should practice what you preach and if you can't then don't preach it. Right?! I mean I hate to listen to people making lots of noise when they eat, I hate seeing people talk with their mouth full, and I absolutely hate it when people scrape their forks on their teeth, seriously I just want to tell them to eat their food NOT THE FORK. These are things my mom always instilled in me that were rude, and not acceptable, not to forget cleaning your teeth out with your tongue, making weird noises with your mouth; its just not lady like... There are utensils for this... A tooth pick or brush. I seriously think the reason that I am aware of half these annoyances that a lot of people do is because of her. I am not trying to blame it on her, more or less I am just saying that if you are going to instill in someone that a certain behavior in unacceptable then you should not be guilty of it yourself. I was always on top of my mom for picking at her teeth at the table, and my gram for using her tongue to get something out of her teeth; her retort these days is that she has false teeth, GUESS WHAT LADY? I have a false tooth as well, GET OVER YOUR OLD FASHIONED SELF.
People are constantly trying to find away to point the finger at everyone but themselves, you may think that I am guilty of the same thing for forming this realization about ALL of my pet peeves however I do not think that is true.
Anyhow, another thing in which I can thank my lovely mother for is making the appointment for me to get my car in the shop on Monday. I dropped my car off at 2pm just to find out that my last oil change; about 4 or 5 months ago, in which she brought me in to pick up my car, I had my debit card in hand ready to pay for it until she says, "Oh don't worry about it, I will put it on my bill." She has a tab with them as she has bought all her cars there and has been a friend and customer to the owner for about 12 years. Its quite the nice accommodation to have. None the less I was greatly appreciative of the fact that my mom volunteered to pay for my oil change.
WELL! To my GREAT effin' surprise, upon dropping my car off and making payment arrangements as we had no idea what was wrong with it I came to find that the day after when my mom stopped in with the check to pay for her oil change that she told the owner, her friend, that it would be ok to stick MY oil change on a bill in MY name... YEAH! OUTRAGEOUS, huh? She could have told me about it, I mean unfortunately I only talk to my mom like all the time. Did she ever mention it. NOOOOO! WTF? I mean if she couldn't afford it, whatever, I never asked her to cover it... I JUST DO NOT GET HER.
Ug... that was just a miniature expense on top of the $408.50 for breaks, and my exhaust leak, inspection, etc.
I was so wound about her actions and my financial situation that I just lost it at her house and started crying... I was so upset with her, and that my car needed that much work (can't complain, first big repairs its needed in two years). I felt like an absolute horrible mother. I was so upset that I didn't even want to feed Erik, or pick him up. I just let Skot tend to him for a few hours. It wasn't really that I needed a break from him, I wanted a vacation from life.
I changed my myspace status today to "116 miles = my 40 oz. to freedom". It was 116 miles from Vegas to have dinner with the SM girls, to my mom's house, to Sarah's (to pick up our lawn chairs), to the gas station. The entire way there I drove myself crazy by imagining the conversations that my mother would start with me and how to avoid being embarrassed by her obvious forgetfulness, and ways to change the subject away from a conversation that she has already had 3 times with me. Seriously I just do not know what to do with her and I get myself so worked up before I even get there. I absolutely dread going there, I am so wound up and tense by the time I get there my blood pressure must be absolutely through the roof. NOT HEALTHY. I am just at odds with myself against myself.
Of course Skot things I should just, "DEAL" and that I need to learn how to cope with my anger. Well I try, and the more I try the more of a breakdown I seem to have when I feel I am no longer strong enough to try. Whatever, either he'll someday understand I am not that mentally and emotionally strong enough to just bottle all my frustrations up and deal, learn how to be normal, or not let things bother me. Things bother EVERYONE, just certain things really drive me over the edge... I think the way I was raised has a lot to do with that. My mom was rather a hypocrite... I strongly feel you should practice what you preach and if you can't then don't preach it. Right?! I mean I hate to listen to people making lots of noise when they eat, I hate seeing people talk with their mouth full, and I absolutely hate it when people scrape their forks on their teeth, seriously I just want to tell them to eat their food NOT THE FORK. These are things my mom always instilled in me that were rude, and not acceptable, not to forget cleaning your teeth out with your tongue, making weird noises with your mouth; its just not lady like... There are utensils for this... A tooth pick or brush. I seriously think the reason that I am aware of half these annoyances that a lot of people do is because of her. I am not trying to blame it on her, more or less I am just saying that if you are going to instill in someone that a certain behavior in unacceptable then you should not be guilty of it yourself. I was always on top of my mom for picking at her teeth at the table, and my gram for using her tongue to get something out of her teeth; her retort these days is that she has false teeth, GUESS WHAT LADY? I have a false tooth as well, GET OVER YOUR OLD FASHIONED SELF.
People are constantly trying to find away to point the finger at everyone but themselves, you may think that I am guilty of the same thing for forming this realization about ALL of my pet peeves however I do not think that is true.
Anyhow, another thing in which I can thank my lovely mother for is making the appointment for me to get my car in the shop on Monday. I dropped my car off at 2pm just to find out that my last oil change; about 4 or 5 months ago, in which she brought me in to pick up my car, I had my debit card in hand ready to pay for it until she says, "Oh don't worry about it, I will put it on my bill." She has a tab with them as she has bought all her cars there and has been a friend and customer to the owner for about 12 years. Its quite the nice accommodation to have. None the less I was greatly appreciative of the fact that my mom volunteered to pay for my oil change.
WELL! To my GREAT effin' surprise, upon dropping my car off and making payment arrangements as we had no idea what was wrong with it I came to find that the day after when my mom stopped in with the check to pay for her oil change that she told the owner, her friend, that it would be ok to stick MY oil change on a bill in MY name... YEAH! OUTRAGEOUS, huh? She could have told me about it, I mean unfortunately I only talk to my mom like all the time. Did she ever mention it. NOOOOO! WTF? I mean if she couldn't afford it, whatever, I never asked her to cover it... I JUST DO NOT GET HER.
Ug... that was just a miniature expense on top of the $408.50 for breaks, and my exhaust leak, inspection, etc.
I was so wound about her actions and my financial situation that I just lost it at her house and started crying... I was so upset with her, and that my car needed that much work (can't complain, first big repairs its needed in two years). I felt like an absolute horrible mother. I was so upset that I didn't even want to feed Erik, or pick him up. I just let Skot tend to him for a few hours. It wasn't really that I needed a break from him, I wanted a vacation from life.
I changed my myspace status today to "116 miles = my 40 oz. to freedom". It was 116 miles from Vegas to have dinner with the SM girls, to my mom's house, to Sarah's (to pick up our lawn chairs), to the gas station. The entire way there I drove myself crazy by imagining the conversations that my mother would start with me and how to avoid being embarrassed by her obvious forgetfulness, and ways to change the subject away from a conversation that she has already had 3 times with me. Seriously I just do not know what to do with her and I get myself so worked up before I even get there. I absolutely dread going there, I am so wound up and tense by the time I get there my blood pressure must be absolutely through the roof. NOT HEALTHY. I am just at odds with myself against myself.
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