Metal Mama

I have come to the conclusion that as a pregnant woman I cannot control my hormones or the changes happening inside me so therefore I want to control all the smaller things around me.

Bleh, I hate being pregnant and after all is said and done one of us is getting "fixed". I cannot and WILL NOT go through this a third time.

Labels: changes, control, fixed, hormones

I really have been enjoying the lovely weather we've been having. Too bad I've been stuck inside every afternoon this week working.

Yesterday we drove all the way to Keene just to find that my appt was today and I had to reschedule... I made a post about that yesterday, just never got to actually posting it. I believe it was Facebook games that distracted me.

Labels: TOO TIRED.AND.LAZY FOR TAGS.

I drove all the way to Keene for my appt. today just to find that it is tomorrow. Only dilema there is that I work tomorrow, twice. So I did get to go up to the Women's Health Dept. All the Dr.'s and Midwive's were in a provider meeting. UG. Sucky, but not a thing I can really do about it. I rescheduled for the 13th. Better luck another day I guess.

Labels: TOO TIRED.AND.LAZY FOR TAGS.

I know my last post might seem a bit out of the blue, intense, over the top, but writing about it felt good. It felt even better to see that someone commented about it. It felt good to say what I was actually feeling at the moment and having such a difficult time communicating.

Is it possible that I think my own feelings are horrible and shallow because I often think to myself; if I ever heard anyone say that I'd tell her she was an ungrateful bitch, but now that I have been there it's a completely different story.

Now, to post something positive, this is a "What to Expect" link just for dad's. It was actually posted on a mommy forum I use from a member that suggested the link to her boyfriend. Just thought someone else might find it helpful.

Labels: Antenatal Depression, feelings, for dad's, links, web site

I didn't ask for this. I wonder why it happened to me. I try to be happy and put on this face that I am so thrilled to be pregnant again, but I am not. I feel like it's going to destroy what I already call my family, my relationship, my life, and who knows what else. I feel selfish for thinking these things but it's how I feel. I can't share these feelings anywhere else. I use the mommy forum and I cannot talk about it there. There are so many women who are TTC and I know what a bitch I'd be for talking like this, but what gives them the upper hand to make me feel like I shouldn't or couldn't post something about my difficulty with this pregnancy?

See, I even feel like a bitch for thinking like that.

I try to talk to Rich about my feelings and he so does not get it. He doesn't get my angry, bitchy hormonal moments. Nor do I think he will. Yes, I have no faith there.

I am able to talk to Sheena about it. She gets it, and she has never even had kids.

I hate the hormonal part of pregnancy. Especially this one. I feel like I can't take it. Like my hormones are just over the fucking top. I've done this once before and I didn't ask to fucking do it again... I don't want to deal with this shit again.




I am really looking forward to my Pregnancy Wellness Program appt. When I told my Dr.'s nurse how I was feeling about being pregnant she set me up with them. I wish I could have got in quicker but apparently they are pretty busy. Perhaps a lot of people feel this way and I am not so alone and angry.

Labels: Antenatal Depression, metal mama, Rant, vent