Metal Mama

I didn't ask for this. I wonder why it happened to me. I try to be happy and put on this face that I am so thrilled to be pregnant again, but I am not. I feel like it's going to destroy what I already call my family, my relationship, my life, and who knows what else. I feel selfish for thinking these things but it's how I feel. I can't share these feelings anywhere else. I use the mommy forum and I cannot talk about it there. There are so many women who are TTC and I know what a bitch I'd be for talking like this, but what gives them the upper hand to make me feel like I shouldn't or couldn't post something about my difficulty with this pregnancy?

See, I even feel like a bitch for thinking like that.

I try to talk to Rich about my feelings and he so does not get it. He doesn't get my angry, bitchy hormonal moments. Nor do I think he will. Yes, I have no faith there.

I am able to talk to Sheena about it. She gets it, and she has never even had kids.

I hate the hormonal part of pregnancy. Especially this one. I feel like I can't take it. Like my hormones are just over the fucking top. I've done this once before and I didn't ask to fucking do it again... I don't want to deal with this shit again.




I am really looking forward to my Pregnancy Wellness Program appt. When I told my Dr.'s nurse how I was feeling about being pregnant she set me up with them. I wish I could have got in quicker but apparently they are pretty busy. Perhaps a lot of people feel this way and I am not so alone and angry.

Labels: Antenatal Depression, metal mama, Rant, vent

This entry was posted on 03 April 2010 at 4/03/2010 12:22:00 AM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.